LIVE REVIEW: LADIES & GENTLEMEN @ MUM 13.06.08

Even before their trollop-of-a-set began, I noticed something that immediately set alarm bells ringing with this Campbelltown gem-of-a-band named Ladies & Gentlemen. They entered the non-arena sized stables of MUM , at World Bar, lugging stacks of amps and speakers and drums and guitars and keyboard stands, the WHOLE LOT of it brand spanking new, never been played, not a scratch, not a hint of rotten gaffer-tape, not a stain of whiskey infused vomit, not a sex-mark from a bum cheek. And this gear was by no means cheap; a good twenty thousand dollars had been spent on this façade of professionalism in very recent times. The bass stack was bigger than my bachelor pad. The guitarist had a wireless receiver so that he could roam the 5 by 3 metre stage in an unrestricted fashion. It was indeed a sign of things to come, a tactic of frauds, a recipe for disaster.

The set kicked off, and right from the get-go their rock moves matched the illustriousness of their shiny shiny setup. It was a forced and blatant stage-presence, all invented by someone else and passed onto these chaps in their own wet dreams. No decency or self-respect or justification, just the moves, the synchronised vests and haircuts, the androgyny, and those moves baby, all to the most unmoving of noises.

And as for those noises… well needless to say they couldn’t play their emo-electro material for shit and it all sounded like a fatal shark attack.

What a fucking disaster of an ensemble. What a disgusting display of shamelessness. These guys are the whores of the Sydney music scene – whores with particularly loose morals and cavities. Were they really trying to fool us punters? Were they trying to make us “believe” that they are a massive band, self-declared “worthy” of millions of screaming fans? Those successful bands, the ones Ladies & Gentlemen adore and mimic and shame, did not have they’re heads so far up they’re own asses when they were playing bullshit music to a crowd of zero, I promise. Idolism is the result not the cause. No-one idolises you, Ladies & Gentlemen, so please come back down to earth and get some fucking self-respect. Your bold existence is a fucking paradox, and you’re going to fail because due to some inbred insanity you think you’ve already made it.